


Boot

by Word_Devourer



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Boot - Freeform, Crack, Future Fic, Gen, Who's Who Part 2: Gift Theme, With minor apologies to Master Fu, background Adrienette - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:34:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22911817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Word_Devourer/pseuds/Word_Devourer
Summary: It's a few years in the future, and as Marinette and Adrien head out on their honeymoon, Alya and Nino are left behind offer something very special to some of the people who couldn't make it.
Comments: 23
Kudos: 107
Collections: THEME: Gifts





	Boot

“Good afternoon everyone,” said Alya, smiling cheerily at the people seated around the table. Most of them simply scowled in return. She continued, undaunted. “As none of you made it to Adrien’s wedding, he asked Nino to offer you some parting gifts to make sure that you didn’t think he’d forgotten you as he goes off on his honeymoon.” Nino waved, directly behind her. He was carrying a large, lumpy sack.

Lila rolled her eyes. “Well, _please,_ get on with it. I’ve got an appointment in 15 minutes.”

“No, you don’t,” said Alya, still smiling.

Gabriel and Nathalie, sitting next to each to each other at the table, were quiet, but for the sound of Gabriel muttering under his breath.

“I should have known this would be boring,” said Chloe, waving a dismissive hand, “I don’t know why I bothered to show up.”

Master Fu simply sat, looking around at the world that, for a brief moment, he was allowed to remember properly.

“You didn’t have to show up, Chloe,” said Alya. “Anyway. If we’re all ready…”

She cleared her throat.

_“I would like to first of all like to say hello to those of you gathered here today, my old friends…”_

Lila barked a disbelieving laugh.

_“…And would like to make it clear that I have not forgotten the remarkable effect that you have had on my life. To Gabriel Agreste…”_

Alya paused, but Gabriel, still fuming in his chair, didn’t seem to notice his own name, until Nathalie nudged him. _“Sir.”_

_“…Who locked me away; conspired with Nathalie to make sure that I never had a friend of my own, and then became a supervillain in an insane attempt to bring my mother back…”_

Gabriel’s teeth gritted.

_“…To Gabriel, as a parting gift, I offer… A boot to the head.”_

Gabriel blinked.

“Wh-

The boot landed squarely in the middle of his forehead with a satisfying _thump._

There was an instant of silence as he reeled back, not seeming to even comprehend what had happened.

_“Sir, are you-_

_“And another boot for Nathalie.”_

She barely had time to look up before another boot landed in her face, with an equally satisfying _slap._

Mouth agape, Lila let out a frankly undignified laugh, staring in disbelief at the other two.

_“Still… You are my father, and, since the Agreste brand was ripped from your hands when you were convicted of supervillainy…”_

Pulling himself together, Gabriel straightened up. _“The first sensible choice he’s made since-_

_“I give you... Another boot to the head.”_

_Slap!_

“What!?”

_“And one more for Nathalie.”_

_Slap!_

_“Next, to Lila Rossi…”_

“I assure you, this is unnecessary,” said Lila, grinning sweetly, not quite keeping the nerves out of her voice.

_“To my dear Lila, who has never told the truth once in her life…”_

“I’m… just going to cover my head…”

 _“I give a $50 gift card to a travel agency so that she can talk about her adventures without lying about_ all _of them.”_

Lila paused, arms neatly, almost fashionably wrapped around her head.

“Really?”

Alya nodded, as Nino reached into the sack and retrieved _not_ another boot, but an envelope.

Nino stepped forward, and slid the envelope neatly down to her. She looked down at it for a second, almost uncomprehending, and then slowly reached down to open it.

“ _And a boot to the head.”_

_Slap!_

Lila let out an undignified yelp as the boot landed, pulling back in her seat.

_“And one more for Gabriel and Nathalie!”_

_Slap!_

_Slap!_

_“Next! To Chloe Bourgeois, who still has yet to pay us back for working with Hawkmoth for the better part of a year…”_

“Oh yeah, let me take a _wild guess,_ ” said Chloe.

_“I give a boot to the head.”_

_Slap!_

_“Surprising no one,”_ muttered Chloe, her voice full of bile.

_“And one for Gabriel and Nathalie.”_

_Slap!_

_Slap!_

_“This should take care of the especially pressing issues. So now, to Master Fu…”_

His expression was mild. “The chance to visit is a gift beyond what I knew to hope for.”

_“…Who bequeathed the Black Cat Miraculous to me… Who has offered so much advice… Who scanned the Miraculous Grimoire on our behalf… Who gave Marinette the responsibility of being the great guardian… When she was only a child… Whose departure indirectly resulted in countless mental breakdowns due to stress…”_

Fu’s smile faltered, and he looked down, at the last lines.

_“To Master Fu I would like to offer… A boot to the head.”_

_Slap!_

_“And another boot for Gabriel and Nathalie.”_

Gabriel and Nathalie, by this point, seemed almost numb to the boots, accepting their fate.

Nino rummaged through the sack, now significantly lighter.

_“And, since I didn’t get to give it to him before I left… To my kwami, Plagg, I offer an entire wheel of- Boot to the head.”_

Plagg, who had flitted into sight at the sound of his name, rapidly reversed directions as the boot hit him going the other way.

The boot slammed into the ground, and there was a moment of yowling, such as might be expected from a distressed cat. There was a moment of silence, and then, from the floorboards, there came a nasal voice.

_“Rude.”_

_“And finally, to my best friend Nino, even though he did make it to the wedding… And was in fact my best man… I leave_ not _a boot to the head, but care of my ring, and by extension Plagg who he just threw a boot at, for the duration of my honeymoon?”_

Nino opened his mouth to respond, and… Closed it. “Huh. Yeah… Probably should've seen that coming.”

Plagg floated up, visibly annoyed.

_“You better have a lot of cheese.”_

There was a moment of silence, as Nino looked uncomfortably at his new, temporary Kwami.

Then, looking back down, he reached into his pocket, and extracted a small envelope.

“Don’t suppose you could…” he said, passing Alya the sack of boots so he had both hands free.

She stood up, and stepped back from the table slightly, maneuvering the sack so that it was a less unwieldy.

“Marinette actually gave me a message she wanted me to read when Alya was done,” He said, extracting the letter. He cleared his throat.

“Marinette wanted you to know that she’s offering Alya the same gift I just got.” He pulled a pair of earrings from the envelope, and silently passed them to Alya.

The room was dead silent, and Alya took the opportunity to put the earrings in.

“That’s it?” said Gabriel, rubbing at his nose. “What _exactly_ was the point of having that message read afterward?”

“Maybe to rub it in your face that _you_ never got them? _”_ suggested Lila, the words coming out as acid.

“Oh! Right, yeah, there’s a bit at the bottom, too,” said Nino, looking down. “Sorry. It was in the P.S. Didn’t think to read it.”

He cleared his throat, and read clearly.

“Marinette, being the heir to a prestigious bakery, would like to offer you all a lifetime supply of macarons.”

 _“Macarons?”_ came the disjointed reply from around the room.

“That’s _all?”_ said Chloe.

Nino nodded. “That’s all.”

“So, after all the boots, all we get is a variety pack of macarons every month,” said Lila, shaking her head. “Stingy, stingy.”

“No, actually,” said Nino, brightening, “she’s pretty specific about what flavor they’re going to be.”

“Something we’re allergic to, I assume,” said Gabriel, rolling his eyes.

Nino grinned. “Hah! No, nothing you’re allergic to.”

“Then what?”

“Boot to the head!”

And the room was rapidly filled with a frenzy of boots making heavy contact with people’s foreheads.

**Author's Note:**

> Context/inspiration:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFldBVWFgWo


End file.
